I really wish this wasn't happening.

I don't really know what to feel or think, so I'm going to write about my mother...

My mum was born in 1950, and she led a remarkable life. She never won any medals, or travelled the world. But it was her amazing inner strength, pride and determination which made her such an awe inspiring lady. She battled through so much. A difficult childhood, an abusive marriage, and being a single parent to three children. The death of her second partner, my step father, in 2003, broke her heart but she stayed so strong. When she was told about her illness, I remember her sitting us all down, totally unfazed, and dropping it into conversation as one would pass the time of day or observe the weather. To me and my siblings, however, the two syllable word echoed in our minds like a rusty bullet in a tin can. Can and ser. Can. Ser. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer...

I think she knew then, though she didn't let on, that cancer would ultimately kill her. The first time, it didn't. But then, one day last year, she sat us all down again, but this time it was different. This time the words 'tumor' and 'inoperable'.

Even then, right up until a week before her death she was just so strong. She kept her sense of humour, and her dignity, until the very end.

So, to Christine Margaret James. My amazing mother.