Group Therapy, Saving Myself and Other Things

I am feeling a bit lonely in cyberspace today. Isn't it strange. I can be surrounded by people, and yet still be totally alone. Dan is sat next to me, trying to fix a computer, but he has no idea what runs through my head sometimes. Christ, even I don't know what I'm thinking half the time.

I had group therapy yesterday. The leader blokey (the classic stereotypical shrink) had asked us each to bring in a piece of music that we like. I took in Nine Inch Nails - 'Into The Void'...

"Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Talking to myself all the way to the station

Pictures in my head of the final destination

All lined up (all the ones that arent allowed to stay)

Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Tried to save a place from the cuts and the scratches

Tried to overcome the complications and the catches

Nothing ever grows and the sun doesnt shine all day

Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away"

It's such a beautiful song to me. That one line "Tried to save myself but myself keeps slipping away". I can relate emotionally to that so much. It's so much harder to get a grip on sanity and 'normality' when sanity and normality keep slipping away from you or morphing into different concepts entirely.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a hole, trying to climb back up. Or that happiness, normality or whatever is always just out of reach. And every time I try to grasp it, everything comes crashing down around me, like punishment for ever daring to dream.